Following on from last week’s article on noisy pups Twin Atlantic and their somewhat skew-whiff approach to playing live, we offer practical advice to any touring acts on how to get the most from being on the road.
DO – attempt to pick gigs which are suitable to you. If you are a Norwegian Death Metal band, that Katie Melua support is likely to lead to more hassle than it’s worth.
DON’T – overdo the visuals. Having an elaborate lightshow and Marshall amp stack is unlikely to be much use when playing the back toilet at the local student union.
DO – be aware that your music may sound great to you when drunk, but unless you’ve brought enough for the whole room, then the audience may not be in such an advanced state of inebriation. Therefore, being sober enough to stand may allow you to get a better grip on how you are going over.
DON’T – assume that all the women in the room want to sleep with you because you are in a band. You are an ugly bastard; a guitar isn’t a magic wand.
DO – make a setlist and stick to it. Otherwise, you may be halfway through and decide to start mixing it up a bit, leading to drummer confusion. And a confused drummer is a potential court case.
DON’T – believe your own hype. Yes, yes, you are the greatest thing to emerge form your hometown, but the only other things of note were the train and a particularly virulent strain of swine flu. People in them big cities may have slightly higher expectations than your classmates and parents.
DO – rock like a mutha. You don’t know if or when you will have this chance again. If there are six people in the audience, great; leave with six new fans.
DON’T – thank people ‘for making this all possible’ in the manner of an Oscar winner’s acceptance speech when you are fourth on the bill behind Fugly Biscuit and Orinoco Blow. You will sound like a dick.
DO – Thank the headliners, even if you hate the arrogant bastards. You will get a chance to beat them like the dogs they are when you are going past them in size, status and sex.
DON’T – wear a t-shirt depicting a band who are better than you are. This merely reminds the audience, and serves as a constant visual reminder throughout the gig that there are far better bands out there that they could be listening to.
DO – accept it’s your job to get the audience going, not the other way around.
DON’T – think because you’ve signed to Ignorant Hippo Records and have an EP that’s been played on late-night Radio Suffolk that the audience are supposed to give a donald duck about you. Indeed, any sign of this attitude is likely to see the audience adopt the exact opposite attitude and/or throw bottles of piss at you.
DO -keep going. There will be bad nights; shit happens. Keep going and it will happen if you are good enough.
DON’T – decide to do an amusing ‘ironic’ cover of a pop hit. That ‘pop’ hit is always going to better than the tuneless shite you are knocking out. The audience will know this. And realise you are a) not funny and b) a tosser.
DO – believe in the power of rock n’roll.
DON’T – forget about the power of anti-perspirants.
So get in the van and hit the road. There’s a whole big world out there, and there’s a void since Pentangle split. This is your moment!
Filed under: General Stuff Tagged: | gigs, Live music, touring
Pentangle split up?
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I know man. They live on in our hearts.
Pentangle rock , somewhat gently right enough, but they do rock .
” a guitar isn`t a magic wand ” ???????????????
now you tell me .
….how about an ELM article on bert jansch ? he`s hip and now daddio .
he’s supporting neil young on a yankeeland tour.
seriously ? that pair of cnuts better take that tour down under in The Real Slim Dustys direction.
We’ll have a word with them for you RSD. Make sure they know to get them selves down there.
great points well made, there, ELM. Most of them, particularly the “Don’ts” apply almost too well to a bunch of cunts from Perth called the Humble Hobos. Or Humble Homos as they’re better known. Well, to me, anyway.
tell us more whippet!
They have a 5-string bass. They are Southpaw-Lite. They email everyone to say their shitty cd got a play on internet only radio cockmunch in Shetland. They wear hats. They played a 2-hour set, and browbeat the crowd for not “coming down the front”. They have an incredibly high opinion of themselves, despite the fact they are a laughing stock in Perth. The singer is a dick.
So’s the rest of them.
Enough?
Quality burial h w!
I`m surprised….Radio Cockmunch is renowned for its quality control.
anyway , “Self-effacing Tramps ” is a much better name………………seriously are they so naive that they didnt do the ” how can our name be made into a piss-take” checklist ?
ha excellent post
apart from pop covers i do love a good random cover
So do i, what I don’t like is when they cover, say, ‘Baby One More Time’; by Brittany Spears and pretend to be ironic. Travis did that and I just thought ‘that song is better than 97% of yours. If anyone should be embarrassed by this, it’s Britney!’
ah yeah the cover must be a carefully chosen thing, i have experianced a disaster or a biffy cover bubbles it was shockingly bad missed out wash away your sins compeletly, MGMT kids cover however was a good at getting crowd going
Good tune R, can see it going over well!
check out dwight yoakams cover of the clashs “stand by me ” ; top notch .
….anyway, ELM, time for an article on the genius of Motley Crue. You know it makes sense….
Lifestyle, no bother. Music…whoah, nelly! Shite hair-rock. Best I can do is that it was slightly better than Poison.
aye, fair enough ELM!
when I say “stand by me ” I really mean “train in vain ” ………….its late….or early ….or leftover jetlag….
Oh, you nearly got away with that Dust….however…..WANKER!
no leniency since I turned myself in then ?????????????
HW – I don’t know what we did to piss you off, but you’re talking as if you know us. How exactly are we supposed to have high opinions of ourselves? We play gigs and have a laugh, nothing more. So we put messages saying that we’ve got a track on a radio station’s podcast, I don’t get how that makes us cunts. Bands do it all the time, we want people to check it out if they want. One of our songs get put on something; should we just ignore it and not bother telling people about it? Because that would be more dickish really.
Also, how does me playing a five string bass make me a dick? There’s two acoustic guitar players in te band and I like to fatten out the tone a little bit, and I think the 5 string seems to help that a little bit.
Take the piss out of us as much as you want, but if you’re basing all of your rant on one gig you did with us in Perth then you’re the cunt, not us.
I may just sit back , open a fine wine………and retire as the blue touch paper has been lit ( or “lighted ” as our american cousins may say )