Scotland’s very own troubadour of the trousered, Paolo Nutini, goes out on a UK tour this week. ELM requested an interview with the Prince of Paisley, but was knocked back after being asked to submit a selection of our previous work on Paolo. Perhaps understandably.
However, we felt this was letting our readers down. The fact that you would have to go without the thoughts, hopes and dreams of the Canal Street Christ was just too much for us. So, we went the extra mile, and got the story. Yes, we are proud to present our completely made-up interview with Paolo. We weren’t afraid to ask the difficult questions, the ones the journalists who actually did get interviews are scared to ask. We didn’t shy away from the stuff which wasn’t true, because we weren’t actually talking to him.
So sit back and enjoy. You’ll see a whole new side to Paolo.
ELM – Paolo, thanks for meeting with us today, we appreciate it.
Paolo – Hedy bo, hedy sheedy bo.
ELM – Indeed. Paolo, you’ve been called ‘the voice of young Scotland, if everybody in Scotland sounded like a drunken 70 years old enduring his death rattle as the hypothermia kicks in.’ How do you cope with such accolades?
Paolo – Auuuuuuuugh, raaaaaaaalph, medy ho, daaaarlin’, ohohoh.
ELM – Interesting stuff. You came from a humble background, the son of a chip shop owner or ice-cream salesman or something. Has wealth changed you?
Paolo – Jugh, fla fla fla, boaaak.
ELM – Of course, of course. Moving on, some have pointed out that you draw a crowd of, shall we say, c*nts to your gigs. What do you think these toothless, drunken, sallow-skinned walking abortions see up there on stage that draws them in?
Paolo – (Faintly incomprehensible growl, gurgling.)
ELM – well, it’s been a pleasure Paolo. If we were to offer you a fiver would you stop singing forever?
Paolo – Aye, gies it man.
Well, there you go. Paolo has his critics, but say what you like about him, because we will.
Filed under: General Stuff Tagged: | darlin, fer fuxake this has gone far enough, paolo nutini
That is some funny shit.
I lovvvve paolo and am soooo excited at seeing him this week..sticks tongue out at elm
Paolo is to music what Fern Brittan is to hang gliding.
Oooo maybe he will read this and invite me backstage..hello paolo I was in your dads chippy last week for coffee
Suedehead – I can only reoport what he told me. Those were hiis words. In my head.
Tom – I like Fern, I reckon you’d go in there a boy and come out a man. Well, ten years ago anyway.
Paolo is to music what Stephen Gately is to not choking on your own vomit.
Vomit? is that what we’re calling it these days?
ooooooooooh! Even I’d not go that far.
Well, I suppose I’m not alone in thinking that the big Bulgarian fellow was back with them for a sweet sherry and a slice of toast.