ELM brings you this weeks major news stories, taken as seriously and presented with just the right amount of gravitas as they deserve. Then again, our favourite newsreader is Tom Tucker from Family Guy, so that sort of shows where we are pitching this. That’s not a reflection on you, dear reader. Okay it is. Sue me.
Police have warned T in the Park goers to prepare for all weathers, that illegal drugs will not be tolerated, and to look after their tickets. In the same statement, they told T in the Park goers that Elvis was dead, they don’t do burglary investigations any more and that the next Olympics are in London. I mean, come on. Do the coppers honestly think that
a) people aren’t aware it could rain at A FESTIVAL IN SCOTLAND and
b) people going in with a bag full of pills or weed don’t understand the Police might be a teensy bit cross with them if they get caught?
One hate to criticise our wonderful Polis, but dearie me, people might think them a little less thick if they engaged in statements that were a little less, well, thick.
Michael Jackson’s Memorial Service was held last night at the Staples Centre in LA. We’ve been asked why we haven’t commented too much on the passing of the King of Pop. Well, firstly there is the pure and indisputable truth that a large number of his fans are fruit loops, and we don’t want to upset them. Judge all you want, but would you want some deranged nutbar finding out where you live?
Secondly, while Jackson was without doubt one of the greatest and most influential performers of all time, post-1991 it’s very difficult to get to the music for the man and the many peculiarities his lifestyle entailed. Indeed, the o2 Tour seemed to be a valiant attempt to regain some of the musical credibility he’d built up before the off-the-field shenanigans caught up with him. We’ll prefer to remember the Thriller-era Jackson here at ELM, when he was undoubtedly the most important and popular performer in the world.
At the opening of his new art exhibition, John Squire says the clamour for a Stone Roses reformation got so intense he was inundated with ticket requests from his family! “I kept getting calls – ‘Is it true, is it not?’. The wife was getting calls and my cousin’s kids were asking me for tickets.” Squire also revealed that he has a new album recorded but is so sick of music he has no plans to release it. “I was playing some of the best guitar I’ve heard myself play [on the unfinished album],” he said. “But just the thought of packaging it for public consumption, touring it, putting a band together, didn’t appeal to me.”
Ah, John, where to start? One wonders how he can be sick of music when he hasn’t made any decent stuff since 1994. C’mon John, you are becoming one of the great curmudgeons – do the bloody tour!
Arctic Monkeys return later this month with their new single ‘Humbug’, the first new material since ‘Favourite Worst Nightmare’ in 2007. If you love the Last Shadow Puppets, you’ll love this, as it certainly seems more in that direction than previous Monkey business. Be interesting to see the casual fan’s reaction to this move.
Right Ollie, take it away……
Filed under: General Stuff Tagged: | Arctic Monkeys, John Squire, Michael Jackson, playschool, T in the Park
