Extreme Listening Mode!

As serious music monthlies go, the Observer Music Monthly tends to be the runt of the litter, but it’s often worth a peek for it’s rather interesting take on the more exotic scenes in the world. I’ve read really interesting articles on Tinariwen, the New Puritans, Death Metal in Norway and Prussian Blue, those repulsive white supremacist teenagers from America. Not music I’m always interested in, but like the best journalism, it grabs your attention because the story is so well written, so perfectly graphed and plotted and the characters so vivid it draws you in.

In fact, that was always the vaguely uncomfortable feeling at the back of my mind. Are the occasionally decent stories good music journalism or simply good journalism? Is there a difference? Well, yes. The best stuff in OMM is often a reportage piece done about a musical act. It rarely gives insight into their actual music. In fact, the weakest part of OMM is when it does try to anticipate what the future holds. They’ve compared middling art rockers Foals to Radiohead; they portrayed Lily Allen as an iconic feminist figure.

In short, there was always the lingering suspicion that, for a music magazine, they weren’t all that interested in music.

And that was confirmed by this months edition which carried reviews of the new Razorlight, Keane, Snow Patrol and Dido albums. This is a dark month for those of us who prefer our music organic and not processed, that’s for sure. And OMM – a serious, worthy music magazine – gave all four of them 4/5 reviews. Honestly.

Now, I don’t hate those acts, apart from Razorlight, Keane and Dido. I’m certainly no fan of any of them. And I’ve heard only the lead singles from each. But I still fail to believe that every one of these albums is a short step away from perfection. It’s just not possible under the law of averages. Indeed, if one of them had managed it, then yep, I’d have held my hand up and said well done. But there is no chance, utterly no fucking chance, that all four of these acts have come back to the fold without one of them repeating history and delivering, well, a Razorlight/Keane/Snow Patrol/Dido album.

There are two possible explanations for this. The first, as bizarre as it might seem, is that I am wrong. Through some sick and twisted plot, Tim Keane and Johnny Razorlight have got together and channelled the spirits of John Lennon, Nick Drake and Jeff Buckley through some sick, Crowley-influenced dark satanic magick. They have emerged from their pop-rock AOR cocoons and truly grasped the nettle, heading us towards the tens on a wave of crazy, innovative pop majesty.

Or, more likely, OMM have calculated that their readership may very well contain a lot of Dido fans and that antagonising them in these fiscally challenged times is a bit of an error.

If it is the first, then I’m sorry. Well done to them all for their achievements and even more so when they all, clearly, released the weakest track on their albums as singles in a clever attempt to re-inforce the prejudices of blinkered commentators such as I.

Or if it is the second, and it is, shame on you OMM. Dido is incapable of producing a four star album, in this life anyway. You have absolutely pissed on the principles of great music journalism and instead helped shape a world where not hating Johnny Borrell does not lead to social exclusion and possibly violence. These are maybe minor crimes, but crimes none the less.

You should be ashamed OMM!