If you recall, I did an album review of the Feeling a while back which can be, at best, described as critical. it was ranty and it was vitriolic, and in the end it was cathartic. But I really felt that I was picking on an easy target, and not really bringing much to the table for you guys. Effectively, I was informing you that the Feeling are gish. But, discerning readers that you are, you knew that already. So I tried to steer clear of rants against singularly useless bands.
For about five minutes.
You see, life is too short to allow these bastards easy passage just because they are atrocious. It’s like letting the fat kid in gym off with it because he is tubby. No -mock him. It’s character-building. Similarly with the alarming news that Keane, everyone’s favourite shower of shit piano band have returned. And, hold the front pages, they are back with a new direction. They’ve gone nu-rave. Like the Klaxons, you know.
I don’t know where to begin with that, I really don’t. It’s so transparently fucking awful it makes me want to curl into a ball and cry at the pointlessness of the universe. Cynical, talentless band sit down and think that they will come up with a new direction, be all trendy and ‘now’ – and come up with something that peaked 18 months ago. Christ, I suppose we should be happy they didn’t come back with a brand new Britpop sound.
Keane are terrible, sure, but it’s their reluctance to just be shite and revel in it – a la Blunt – that annoys. They really seem to think the dreary piano warbling of their debut and the Fisher-Price Achtung, Baby! of their follow-up qualifies them as a serious band. It doesn’t. It simply affirms their status as bland purveyors of easy-listening AOR that people who shop in Sainsbury’s pick up and listen to whilst driving. It hasn’t changed anybody’s life and never could, because there is nothing there. It’s empty, vapid nothingness. It’s the sound of silence.
But even better than the theory of what makes Keane so bad is the actuality – the music. This new sound, the hip, happening noise they have adopted….well, it sure don’t sound like the Klaxons. It does, however, bear an uncanny resemblance to Simple Minds circa 1984. Honestly. It’s bellowing, ignorant, subtle-as-a-bull-in-a-china-shop plinky keyboard rock. It challenges Kid Rock for worst single of the year. It makes the Kooks sound like the Doors. It re-defines awfulness in a Godfather III way. In short, it is unspeakably, unsurpassably fucking terrible. In a way I admire their grim determination to continue to aurally assault us with this wretched mess.
And the hamster cheeked cunt who fronts them and took cocaine twice now appears to see himself as Keith Richards according to interviews. Stories of his tough times, his ‘battles’, his rehab….seriously, just fuck off mate. You are the twee-est, most palpably pastel-shade junkie ever. Your idea of an overdose is too many cough pastilles. Lose the attitude, it’s unbecoming.
It’s just too sad, it really is.
Filed under: General Stuff Tagged: | Keane
So a 7/10 then?
They are truly talentless c***S but that is how music has always been and always will be….band sare picked up, marketed, and forced on us.
They re-define awfulness.
They’re no worse than many ‘cool’ bands. They just lack the stamp of ‘approval’ from NME. Foals are pish as well but they discuss literature, architecture and are about 12. Still pish though. Are Keane pisher than nu-rave acts? Or indie?
Yes. at least these bands at lest think they are doing something new. Keane are systematically working back through the synth effects that have sold records over the past 30 years.