The Onion has been responsible for many acts of genius since it came into being, but a favourite of mine was the headline ‘Asshole Admits ‘I Am An Asshole’ In Ultimate Asshole Move’. I like that a lot. It brilliantly summed up for me that peculiarly modern cynicsm, that by simply admitting to a flaw you somehow overcame it. It’s very modern politics – ‘let’s draw a line under this and move on’. Now no-one fixes a fault, they simply acknowledge it.
What prompted that headline to pop into my mind was that, whoopty-doo, Coldplay are back. And sensing that the world may be ready – and, let’s face it, willing – to engage in a vicious backlash, Chris Martin has sought to play it down. He told Q magazine he doesn’t understand how his band are so huge. He says he only feels he is really famous when he realises he is Mr. Paltrow. Best of all, he says ‘it’s like we’ve got the job, we have to prove we are ready for it.’ It’s really honest, especially for a band of his size. And yet…and yet…well, my ‘he’s at it’ detector is absolutely flying into overdrive. Indeed, the needle on the meter is springing up like a tramps cock if you offered him a Strongbow. It seems an odd, disarming way to promote your album. And say what you like, Coldplay have always been clever.
I usually go into a rant about how much I hate a big band at this stage, but I don’t hate Coldplay. They were never really that bad. I wouldn’t listen to them if I had any other options, but nor do I go storming out of pubs when one of their tunes come on. But, like Chris, I’ve often been amazed at how big they are. I mean, they are proper, proper big. Massive. Jordan’s tits big. But sadly, like Jordan’s tits, it’s obvious why. They’ve always strived for it. And that’s fine, as far as it goes. But what has been strange about Coldplay is that they have retained this strange air of credibility and, even curiouser, an air of artistic merit not in keeping with their albums. At times you’ve often wondered if journalists were simply after their own Radiohead, and seeing nothing better thought ‘right, these will do’.
It seems they have realised this, and are making big, honest noises. But i’m just not sure it is real. Chris Martin says the album they are about to deliver will show that they are the real deal. Okay, bring it on. But if this is ‘the Coldplay album’ part four then we will know. It’s just sheer cynicism otherwise. And then, he really will only be massive because he is married to someone famous.
Filed under: General Stuff | Tagged: chris martin, Coldplay, q, viva la vida
The single was baffling: stodgy rock, yet they were away for three years promising ‘an amazing new album’. The single sounds like they wrapped it up in 5 minutes and went down the pub.
Nah, that sounds too much like fun. The single sounds like they recorded whilst they waited for their macrobiotic lunch to be cooked by their chef.
They know when to say no to marketing bombardment and bugger off to hardly be heard of for a few years. A lesson no label with a massive act and few other bands ever grasp. Milk it till it dies must be the motto. He is remarkably canny when it comes to understanding the reality of how his band are perceived as opposed to the usual believe the hype types.
As for the band themselves, I think Martin is the type of guy who you either take no notice of or hate. Depends on whether you like drinking your fair trade coffee with your tofu spread on mungbean bread in your hemp armchair I guess. His song writing is quite good IMO, lots of interesting ideas and compositions but there is little that really jumps out at you as deserving their status. After a while it being piped out through elevators.
Their new stodgy track is bringing up images of the band that can’t really top its last release so instead spends years in the studio overcomplicating something till it does sound like it was knocked up like a teenage chav behind the bike sheds during morning break from a leaky rubber.
Interesting question though, how exactly do you act/promote your new stuff when you know your band is hideously over-exposed and put on some sort of super band pedestal?
If I were him, I’d probably try the same tack.
Yes, I think he’s chancing his arm….but i don’t think he is fooling anyone.
Why is it that every time that someone says that X or Y is the type of person or thing that you either love or hate, I find myself saying, “eh, neither, actually. In fact, I really don’t give a damn either way!”?
Curse you, my complete lack of passion. Curse you with slow passage right through the nine circles of Hell and back again!
The one thing that I always say in Coldplay’s defence is that Keane were going to call themselves that originally before giving the other boys the name! Imagine Keane had become as ubiquitous as Coldplay are today. Good greeking grief!
I like that last phrase Longman and shall be stealing it forthwith. That’s the way I roll, I’m afraid!
No matter what he does, people are going to realize that the awfulness that was X&Y was no fluke and that they’re all being taken for a ride. Has anyone heard it yet? It’s embarrassing. I can’t believe Brian Eno, a mixed bag of beans himself, would even touch this project.
I think Eno enjoys working with the ‘prestige’ bands – you know the ones, money’s no object, spend ages recording, big release every 3 years, that sort of thing.